• shh •

Howdy!

Forgive my radio silence! School has been kicking my butt and I haven’t really known what to post about which is what I wanted to talk about today.

• an open letter to my friends •

This has been a long time in coming partially because I did not know if I was ready to be this open. I’m also concerned that this will come off as me being a drama queen or something. I deny a lot of things because other people have it worse, but I think it’s important to realize that, just because someone has it worse, doesn’t mean that what hurts me means any less.

But let’s get to it.

I’m a very private person. I will tell you what’s up, but not what’s in my head. I will be very open with you, but not tell you a thing. And I don’t know if you notice that, but it hurts me and I’m sorry for not letting you in.

The thing is, I don’t know how.

I don’t know what to talk about. I don’t know how to have an easy conversation. I don’t know how to talk without thinking, “will I regret saying this?” so I don’t say much. I don’t know how to talk about the things I love without the fear of boring you. I can’t talk about what I love without choking up because only I understand it and even the wrong look from someone when I speak will silence me.

My family is constantly on me to stop mumbling + speak up. I wonder if this is because the words I don’t say ought to be louder and the things I do say mean nothing to me. I’ve grown quiet about the things I love. I’ve forgotten how to be open. I’ve forgotten how to accept other people. I’ve forgotten to put the things that matter to me first; instead, I listen to the people that say “school is the most important thing in your life right now”, “focus on school”, “the grades you get now are what will help you most in college”, “get that scholarship”, “study something that makes you money”, “you should be studying instead of writing”.

I’ve noticed that I don’t look people in the eye so much anymore either. Why? Maybe it’s because they will notice all the thoughts I don’t say. Who knows?

And, to my friends, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to make you feel like you’re not… accepted around me. I don’t mean to make you feel like the things that matter to you don’t matter to me. Okay, so they might not matter to me, but you matter to me. And that’s what matters most.

I’m sorry for holding you at arm’s length. And to those I want to be friends with, but won’t speak to, I’m sorry for not having the courage to reach out.

I genuinely love you all and, while I might limit what I say + do, I do not limit my love for you.

Eternal love,

Rana || xoxo

Advertisements

• love thyself •

 

“You’re so thin! Oh, my gosh. If I could look like you…”

“No, I’m not! Look at you! You’re gorgeous! I’d switch bodies with you in a heartbeat!”

• love thyself • || • The Gingerling •

It’s not right. It’s destructive to, not only ourselves, but also to the people around us. We teach ourselves and others that we must always consider another’s beauty to be the absence of our own. We teach each other that, to make someone else feel better about themselves, we must point out our own flaws.

That’s not true.

And it’s not helpful.

In loving yourself, you help others love themselves.

I realized this when I was speaking with a darling friend of mine. I had mentioned that I didn’t like my lips because my lower lip stuck out farther than my upper one. She told me her lips were the same, but she loved hers. And then it dawned upon me that… it’s okay to like the way you look. It’s not narcissistic. It’s not selfish. It’s self-love.

It’s okay to love something unique about yourself. It’s okay to love the way you look even if (especially if) you don’t look like everyone else.

In my friend loving herself – loving the things about her that I am insecure about in myself – I was able to love myself. I am able to love myself. To love the way I look.

• I love my lips. I love how full they are. I love the color.

• I love my hands and feet. My fingers are short, but they serve their purpose. My toes are sausage-like, but they do their thing well. I love my hands and feet because they are just so dang pretty!

• I love my eyes. I love the dual tone. The mutation. I love that my right eye has a brown spot in the blue. I love the asymmetrical beauty.

• I love my legs. There’s not much of them as I stand at 5′-nothing. But they’re supportive (I like puns and I suspect everyone does but for whatever reason, we have to pretend like we hate them…?).

• I love my body shape. It’s difficult to work with sometimes (you know those things everyone wears and it looks great, but you try it on and how did I end up looking like I just crawled out of the sewer system? I promise I’m human.), but I love it. I love that I have some meat on me.

• I love my hair. I love that the bottom half decided to turn blond for whatever reason (probably to give me a reason for the less-than-stellar remarks that slip out of my mouth). I love that I’m a ginger. I hope that I never go all blond or brown because I just can’t see myself as anything but a redhead.

• I love my eyebrows. They’re on-point frequently + always without makeup.

I don’t love myself all the time. That’s not to be expected. I don’t think anyone loves themselves all the time. That’s a part of being human. We’re not perfect. And we shouldn’t expect ourselves to be.

I think we confuse being cocky with being confident.

Don’t be cocky. Don’t overestimate yourself. Don’t walk around thinking you’re the best.

Be confident. Trust in the risks you’re taking. Know that you can always learn something and be better than who you were yesterday.

Love yourself genuinely because, in loving who you are and what you look like, you can help others to love themselves.

Peace out.

Rana || xoxo

 

I Dig It

Autumn is upon us.

How do I know this? Well…

a) Kitty is fluffy again.

b) I am wearing plaid.

c) Pumpkin lattes are back.

d) I broke out my purple eye shadow pallet once again.

e) Chipped red nail polish adorns my fingernails.

I dig it.

Autumn + winter are my favorite seasons! Autumn because, well, that means winter is almost here and if you live anywhere other than Florida, you get orange, red, and golden leaves. You get crisp weather and wear adorable jackets.

I can pretend.

I love winter because it’s a magical time of year when the bugs die, over-sized sweaters are acceptable, and I get to wear my boots!

******************

Today, I’d like to talk about what I love.

A few weeks ago, Mirriam and I Skyped and gabbed about crazy experiences, being understood, and how to become yourself (here’s a summary of one of the things we talked about).

Over the last few years, I’ve become quite the cynic. I criticize like it’s my job to tear apart the things I don’t love; I wonder if it’s because I like ticking people off or if it’s because I enjoy bringing out my debate skills and making others see the logical fallacies, the plot holes, the lack of consistency.

But I really think it’s because I don’t know what I love. A few different factors have played into the “why” of it all, but I’ll save that for another day.

Now, I’d like to make a list of the things I dig, the thing’s I’d like to get into, and who I want to be. Because, really, if you let other peoples’ interests define who you are, you’ll be everyone and no one. Parts of you will be a copy of a copy; and other parts will be empty because you didn’t fill your heart with what made you tick. We were too worried about what everyone else might think.

So… here goes:

  • I like quirk.
    • Quirky clothes
    • Quirky catch-phrases
    • Quirky words
    • Quirky people
    • Quirky shops
    • Quirky music
    • Quirky jewelry
  • I like flavored coffees.
    • Peppermint mochas
    • Pumpkin lattes
    • Mochas
  • I like to draw.
    • I dig hand-lettering nowadays.
    • I dig doodles.
  • I like to write letters.
    • I like to doodle in the margins + on the envelope so every letter is unique and the receiver gets a little piece of me.
    • I like to write letters because it shows the person that I cared enough about them to stop, take the time to write by hand, and think about them for however long it took me to write that letter and doodle on it.
  • I like the college atmosphere.
    • I like the coffee shop.
    • I like that everyone’s got their own style.
    • I like that the students aren’t very judgmental.
    • I like that people are pretty accepting.
  • I like layers.
    • Form-fitting undershirt + breezy top is my go-to style.
  • I like my red hair.
    • I like that there are about five or six different colors in it naturally.
    • I kind-of like that the top half is red and the bottom half is blond (naturally).
  • I like my eyes.
    • I like that I’m rare with blue eyes + red hair (rarest combination, I hear).
    • I like that I have sectoral heterochromia in my right eye.
  • I like being petite.
    • I think I’m adorable.
    • I like that I’m not a twig and I like that I’m not plump.
    • I like that I’m just right.
  • I like that my skin is fair.
    • Red nail polish + white skin = bomb diggity.
  • I like that I can cook.
    • And bake.
  • I like the fact that I can be super loving.
    • I had a bigger heart as a child and I’d like to go back to that but I’m also happy where I’m at now.
    • I pray that I can love the way Christ loves.
  • I like the fact that I enjoy reading quirky books that others usually don’t.
    • Jane Austen (I have actually laughed out loud reading some of her stuff)
    • Mark Twain (A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court was the bomb dot com)
    • Alice in Wonderland (still working on it)
    • A collection of philosophical  works from Bacon to Mill (Mills?)
  • I like my lips (at least one day I will…)
    • Full + naturally dark pink? I think yes.
    • One day I’ll get over the fact that my lower lip sticks out farther than my upper lip.
  • I like J.R.R. Tolkien.
    • LotR was not his best work in my opinion.
    • The Silmarillion + The Children of Hurin were phenomenal.
  • I like Atomic Fire Balls.
    • You know those cinnamon candies?
    • They’re a personal challenge.
    • I’m strong enough to get to the core without water.
  • I like floral outfits.
    • Floral dresses? Yes, please!
  • I like dresses.
    • Feminine five-foot-nothing is adorable, don’t you think?
  • I like that I’m a penny-pincher.
    • Spending money borders on physically painful.
  • I like popcorn + hot chocolate mix.
    • Seriously.
    • Dump that Swiss miss all over the buttered popcorn. You won’t regret it.
  • I like Batman.
    • Always + forever.
  • I like +.
    • Quirk, yo.
  • I like (terrible) puns.
    • I’m sure there’s one I could use here, but I’m a little slow…
  • I like terrible jokes.
    • What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
    • The wheel chair.
  • I like that I’m an optimistic pessimist.
    • I don’t get excited because, if something doesn’t work out, I’m not crushed. If it does, I’m pleasantly surprised.
  • I like that I’m a writer.
    • Kill thy darlings, darling.
  • I like fictional boys.
    • If you’re real, you probably repulse me but I still love you because I love everyone.
  • I like K-Pop.
    • I dig EXO, ShinEE, 2ne1, Super Junior, ZE:A, and all the others I can’t remember.
  • I dig Oxford commas.

The one thing I’d change about myself is my semi-apathy and my fear of judgment.

Because, if someone really loves you, they’ll be interested in you. Not necessarily everything you’re interested in. But you. And that’s what counts.

When I’m away at college a year from now, my parents won’t be there to tell me what I should and shouldn’t do. My friends won’t be there to encourage me to like this or that.

It will be me deciding what I like. And I’d like to know what I’m interested in before I’m thrown into a world where everyone likes the same things.

If you don’t know who you are, people will tell you; you will be everyone and no one and none of them will be who you really, authentically are.

So what do you love about yourself?

Who do you want to become?

Love + peace,

Rana

The Boss’ Daughter

That’s me, by the way. Hi. *waves*

Daughter o’ the boss. My dad owns two jobs.

Being the daughter of someone who owns two businesses has its pros and cons. Last Saturday, the cons kind of kicked in.

I’m 17 and a half. I’ve worked inconsistently in our small grocery store for about 7 years. Now, I’m working 4 days a week, putting in between 16 and 20 hours (it’s like having a real job without the commitment – that aspect is nice) for below the minimum wage – which I’m pretty cool with. I mean, I can skip a day here and there if I want without being fired – heck, I //can’t// get fired! 😛

But, you know, I’m still getting paid.

Oh, and the cashiers can’t be jerks to me. 😉

There are cons though and let me list them out for you because I have “nothing” to do on a Wednesday afternoon and I wanted to write a blog post and it’s always easier to complain:

>>> I’m 17. People can start working at 16. They start at the register. I’m just now being able to run it because, since I was 10, I was fronting, stocking, cleaning, wrapping and doing whatever needed to be done. But a manager freaked out because I was running the register and made me look like an idiot in front of the customers by saying, “she’s just trying to help.”

Yeah.

Because I’m the boss’ daughter, I’m incompetent and the only reason I’m working is because I have special privileges. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have the ability to do a thing. Uh huh.

And, not to pat myself on the back or anything (and those of you who know me know that I don’t make myself out to be anything better than I am – I’m the flipping definition of humility and modesty *polishes nails and requests a manservant to bring me my sippy cup*), but I’m one of the most hard working and efficient people in that store.

>>> I’m not taken seriously. I’m just cute and do a good job and am the extra body. Just have her check dates. Because helping tray and wrap produce is beyond my mental and physical capacity. *rolls eyes*

>>> Learning anything new means that I have the potential to do your job better than you can do it yourself. So giveIn what language does homeschooled translate to ignorant? her a lollipop and keep her quiet.

>>> She’s home schooled. Don’t talk to her about anything important. One of the cashiers literally asked me if I thought boys were cute. Dude.

I learn at home (and currently have more common sense and common knowledge than you do). That doesn’t mean I’m blind.

And it doesn’t mean I’m ignorant. I know what getting high means; I know you snort cocaine; I know what sex is; I can appreciate physical appearances.

Don’t call me “innocent” if you don’t know who I am or what goes on in my head.

I’m aware but that doesn’t mean I do everything I’m aware of (because I’m not an idiot and can think for myself, thank you very much).

Don’t objectify me.

>>> She’s the extra body. Give her the unpleasant jobs.

>>> She’s the boss’ daughter. He likes to see her work hard. Give her the job I didn’t want to do.

>>> She’s the boss’ daughter. Don’t give her anything that would make me look like a jerk.

>>> She’s the boss’ daughter. “Could you help me with this?”

*groans*

On behalf of all offspring of business owners, I beg the rest of you to treat us like everyone else. Be nice; be patient; we want to learn what you do because it feels so limiting to know only this much for 7 years; we are the boss’ children and we are human too.

We are the boss’ children and we have feelings too.

EDIT: Not //all// the people I work with are idiots. 🙂 I get along with them for the most part. But some (okay, one or two) just can’t get past the fact that homeschoolers don’t always conform to the stereotypes. I like the people I work with (most of the time – we all have off-days. 😉 ).

God bless!

Rana

/it’s a mad, mad life/

And, the crazy thing is, I chose it.

As of right now, I think I’m going insane. Or maybe I was insane when I decided to take on too much and just hadn’t realized it yet. But now, oh, right now, I’m feeling the effects.

This all goes back to two posts ago in which I let you in on my daily schedule.

This week has just gotten a little crazier, so here’s the schedule:

Monday:

  • school
  • read Free to Choose
  • work

Tuesday:

  • school
  • read Free to Choose
  • exercise
  • work

Wednesday:

  • school (there’s a ridiculous group project that, hilariously, I end up doing a ton of the work for)
  • go crazy
  • start working on debate
  • brain-crash
  • work

Thursday:

  • school
  • read Free to Choose (?)
  • debate
  • church

Friday:

  • school
  • read Free to Choose
  • debate (?)
  • church
  • work

Saturday:

  • read Free to Choose
  • work

Sunday:

  • celebrate the Resurrection
  • probably work on debate if we end up not celebrating with family
  • panic

Next Monday:

  • school?
  • cram for debate
  • work

Tuesday:

  • school?
  • more cramming for debate
  • prepare to leave the next morning
  • most likely cry
  • work
  • get no sleep

Wednesday:

  • leave for tournament
  • panic all the while
  • retain calm exterior

Essentially, prayers would be greatly appreciated. I feel so under-prepared and I don’t want to bomb this. I’ve worked too hard and that would be so disappointing. V_V Also, I really don’t want to go more insane than I am already.

But the thing is, I need to appreciate this.

Who has the opportunity to work whenever they want/need to without following a for-sure schedule or the fear of getting fired? Me.

Who gets to go to speech and debate tournaments? Nerds. And I just so happen to be one…

Who else has this crazy-probably-awesome-insane life? Hopefully, no one… 😉

Love,

Rana

P.S.

I’m still working on the blog renaming thing! Apparently, the ones I like (and you voted for) are taken. Of course. Why would I check availability beforehand? No, that would be smart.

life, currently

Hello, lovelies!

I hope your week is off to a great start. ^_^ Today, I thought I’d just let you know what’s going on right now. My productivity levels are kind of shooting out the roof and I may be going crazy.

It’s no secret that I’m a nerd. I’m addicted to mental stimulation (just not when I’m trying to sleep). As a result, I kind of made a crazy decision to work my butt off for a couple of months in order to pay for two speech and debate tournaments.

Two.

Not just one, but two.

t w o

And they’re kind of expensive (for a poor student such as myself).

Image from 1001 Downloads.

Image from 1001 Downloads.

So here’s what my daily life is looking like:

Monday – Friday:

8:00 – 9:00 a.m. –

  • wake up
  • sign in for school
  • see what needs to be done by the end of the week
  • sigh
  • check email
  • check FaceBook
  • check Pinterest

9:00 a.m. – 1:00 p.m. –

  • eat around 10/11 a.m. or whenever I get hungry enough to get off my butt and find something to eat
  • work on school
  • procrastinate
  • re-memorize parts of speech

1:00 – 2/3:00 –

  • exercise (anyone else work out to Denise Austin? No? Just me?)
  • read Free to Choose by Milton and Rose Freidman + annotate + take notes
  • shower?

3:00 – 4:00 –

  • we try to sneak in an episode of LOST
  • eat
  • try to work on debate here and there

5:15 –

  • sigh
  • leave for work (Monday, Tuesday, Thursday – Wednesday is choir practice, Friday I take off)

5:30 – 9:30 p.m. –

  • work
  • yawn

9:45/10:00/11:00 (it depends on what’s going on after work) –

  • get home/in bed

Saturday:

9:20 a.m. –

  • get out of bed
  • wonder why

9:30 –

  • make some food (if I’m feeling like it)
Recipe from Blue Apron.

Creamed kale recipe from Blue Apron.

Recipe from Blue Apron.

Pan-seared flank steak recipe from Blue Apron.

  • I may or may not try to get in some Free to Choose (I’m on a schedule — it should be done by the end of the month)

11:45 –

  • leave for work

12:00 – 9:30 p.m. –

  • work (I may take a total of 30 minutes to eat when I get hungry)
  • back gets achy from walking around too much

 

So this has been my life and I’ve been tired, but feeling productive, and also creatively drained. I keep telling myself that once tournament season is over, I’ll have time to write (curls into a ball, hibernates).

I’m hoping this is all worth it, really. I mean, if I knew I’d do well at the tournaments, this would be easier to get through, but there’s no guarantee.

I guess I just need to keep the focus on (here it comes, guys! she’s going to talk about r e l i g i o n) glorifying God, not making myself look good or feel good about myself. I struggle with jealousy and try to be happy for the newbies who do better than me, but it’s difficult, you know? You work hard and long for something that some new kid gets.

C’est la vie.

Humility is a lesson I need to learn. And I need to learn to do that gracefully.

I hope everything’s well on your end, darlings!

God bless!

Rana

I’m //that// friend.

So I’m going to do my best to be super honest and accurate without being a drama queen. But, somehow, it seems that whenever someone is totally honest about something not-so-great, they’re just trying to come off as deep and dark and mature.

Whatever.

That’s not me.

This is me:

I’m the friend who laughs at everything you say because I’m not witty enough to come up with a decent verbal response.

I’m the friend who criticizes a lot, but will do my best to never say something that could hurt you.

I’m the friend with the best intentions, but has a hard time verbalizing them.

I’m the friend who has a harder time complimenting you than a stranger because I know you and you’re probably more talented than I am and, yes, I get jealous, but am super happy that you have them.

I’m the friend who doesn’t usually enjoy physical activities and has no problem sitting them out.

I’m the friend who needs you to care about the things I do well in or work hard at. Or, at least, congratulate me in or ask about occasionally.

I'm //that// friend.

I’m the friend who doesn’t like to stay out late (depending on who you are), but doesn’t mind staying up late (also depends on who you are).

I’m the friend who enjoys getting dressed up for a nice dinner out, but doesn’t want to stay too long.

I’m the friend who tries to say the right things, but never really does.

I’m the friend who doesn’t like being in a large group.

I’m the friend who constantly wonders if you like me or not.

I’m the friend who would rather you tell me you hate me than pretend to like me.

I’m the friend who prefers deep conversations to small talk.

I’m the friend who either obsessively cares but doesn’t want to be clingy or the friend who is pretty much apathetic about everything.

I’m the friend who can’t stand the sound of chewing (honestly, I wish I could rip myself apart or tear my ears off my head when someone is chewing anything).

I’m the friend who can’t stand the sound of slurping.

I’m the friend who comes off as quite apathetic if you’re talking to a group. But if you catch me alone and talk about the same thing, I’ll try to be engaged and interested.

I’m the friend who doesn’t get super excited about much of anything.

I’m the friend who tries to see everything from a different point of view whether it contrasts with yours or not.

I’m the friend who doesn’t mind being the only one not interested in that show or film or actor.

I’m the friend who over thinks everything and can’t stop wondering if the hang out might have been more fun if I wasn’t there.

I’m the friend who wants to be in the loop and invited to everything, but doesn’t want to go.

I’m the friend who gets hurt if I’m not invited to something (even if I don’t want to go).

I’m the friend who is happy if you don’t invite me to something you don’t want me to go to (yes, I realizes this is contradictory).

I’m the friend who wishes you could just tell me your exact feelings about me.

I’m the friend who wouldn’t believe you even if you did.I'm //that// friend.

I’m the friend who doesn’t understand how you could like me.

I’m the friend with no clue about pretty much anything.

I’m the friend I’m positive no one wants to take out in public.

I’m the friend with so many thoughts, but speaks few words of importance.

I’m the friend who tries to stay quiet because no one would really want to hear my opinions, right? I mean, I’m pretty pessimistic. Or realistic. Same difference.

I’m the friend who wants to always be there for you and would do anything important for you.

I’m the friend who doesn’t really talk about my problems.

I’m the friend with no relationship status and wonders why but would probably hate to have one anyway.

I’m the friend with the most confidence and the most insecurities.

I’m the friend who think I’m the worst friend and the best friend.

I’m the friend who cares too much.

I’m the awkward friend.

I’m (un)apologetically me.

 

Love,

Rana

 

P.S.

If you haven’t already, go check out my Writer’s Toolbox! It’s a compilation of resources for writers. 🙂

//le creative rut

Do you ever feel like you need more?

I don’t mean the next big thing. I mean… like you need to do something other than the norm. You need to try something new, go for a run, hop on a plane to Australia (yes, I’m watching LOST), eat some new food, create… something.

But I’m in a creative rut.

I’m stuck in a current novel — well, three actually. Two of which I haven’t touched in months. I don’t feel much like editing The Reset either.

And my sketch book is upstairs so I’m not very inclined to move or find something to draw.

I just feel kind of exhausted. Emotionally, physically, and creatively.

Writer’s block, artist’s block, flipping life’s block…

Right now, I feel the need to relax while, at the same time, the need to explore and do more.

I’m not satisfied with just going with the flow. I want to be more than the average. I’m terrified of being mediocre, I suppose. But the hardest part is not really knowing what I want to do with my life, career wise.

Everyone puts so much importance on that aspect of life.

For a long time, I wanted to be an actress. Then, for a long time, I wanted to be a therapist. Now, being a personal/private chef sounds pretty nice…

But, the thing is, I don’t want to go into something I’ll get bored of, or get a degree I can’t use, or not be able to pay off debts, or be stuck in school forever and not get the job I want, or not earn enough money to live…

Life is kind of overwhelming and I feel as if time is running out. I need to have a decision and scholarships by the end of my senior year or I’ll be a failure. I know that’s not true.

I see pretty much everyone I know who’s around my age being able to stay home (or at least having that option) and just sort of figure things out in their own time.

But I’m different.

So it’s kind of lonely when you’re the only one struggling with certain things and the people you hang out with wouldn’t understand. They might get it in a distant, looking-in-from-the-outside way, but they can’t experience it and that’s not a bad thing.

Essentially, I suppose I’m exhausted and feel pressured to live a certain way, so I’m in a creative rut which means life is kind of blah and that I’d appreciate prayers. 😛

Hopefully all is well with you. ❤

Love,

Rana

Contradictions

Hello, love!

You know when you say something and someone says, “Hey! Me too!”? And you either get…

a. …really happy because you’ve found something in common with someone you feel is worth trying to make friends with.

b. …really aggravated because you thought you were special.

c. …super annoyed because you want nothing in common with the person you’re speaking with.

Well, I wonder if any of you feel the same way as I do. Hopefully, it’s a mutual a. option if you think, “Hey! Me too!” 😉

So do you ever feel…

  • like dreaming big dreams and not caring what happens while simultaneously feeling like it’s not worth it to pursue a thing?
  • that couples are the cutest and most revolting pairs of anything in the world?
  • like taking an incredible amount of risks to see how far you can get while also wanting to stick to the safe options?
  • like making friends with people while not wanting to put forth the effort to maintain that relationship?
  • like saying exactly what’s on your mind while not daring to because you’d get punched in the face and grounded for life?
  • like telling someone what’s on your mind but also not wanting to say a word about yourself?
  • like being that sweet person everyone wants their children to be like but no one actually really likes while also Caution: Contradictory human ahead.wanting to be that bad girl everyone loves?
  • like going to another country and living like the poor while also never wanting to leave the comfort of your own house?
  • like being the one everyone looks up to while also wanting to be the quiet kid in the back?
  • like saying something really smart while kind of going, “nah. No one wants to hear from me.”?
  • like you’re the lowest of the low while also feeling like you’re better than everyone else?
  • like listening to stupid pop songs while also wanting to listen to deep lyrics from a hard rock band?
  • like giving advice to someone while also feeling kind of awkward and in no position worthy enough to do so?
  • like being that encouraging person while also feeling fake when you do say something nice?
  • like judging and hating everyone but feeling guilty for doing so?
  • like wearing all black or more dresses but not wanting to scare everyone or break out of your norm, so you just wear the usual t-shirt and jeans?
  • like being cute and cuddly while also wanting to metaphorically be a leather jacket with spikes?
  • like wearing classy makeup while also wanting to go goth or something?
  • like falling in love with someone or hating the guts out of the human race?
  • like quitting school while simultaneously not wanting to give up?
  • like not caring what grades you get, but also knowing you’d feel like a failure if you didn’t get straight A’s?
  • like being immature and selfish while wanting to be seen as mature and selfless?
  • like eating all healthy food but all junk food at the same time?
  • like emailing and loving the crap out of someone while also feeling like you’re wasting their time?
  • like you’re the most important person ever but also feeling like you’re worth less than dog poop?
  • like you want to sleep all day but can’t because you have too much to do?

The list goes on. You too? Or am I just an awkward potato?

God bless!
Rana

Merry Christmas Message

Hello, darling and Merry Christmas!

I just want to say thank you. You are truly amazing and a wonderful gift to me. I have not much to give in return except my thoughts (for now). Thank you for listening. Thank you for encouraging me, loving me, supporting me.

I realize that this is not the most interesting blog to follow as I cannot respond to most comments; therefore, it’s not as interactive as the plethora of other blogs out there. But those of you who “like” and “follow” mean so much more. Your gift of time, I realize, is not merely a “you’re a friend, so I have to read what you write” sort of thing. The fact that you freely and willingly take the time to read what I have to say and then decide that it’s worthy of waiting to see what else I come up with means the world.

So, thank you, love. Thank you and Merry Christmas.

Bilbo

EPSON MFP image

kaleidoscope

Thrandykins

Can you tell I made it to The Hobbit: The Battle of Five Armies? 😉 If you haven’t, I highly recommend it!

 

God bless!

Rana

P.S.

Writers, stay tuned! I have a late Christmas gift for you coming (hopefully) early next year.