• identity •

We all want to belong and feel at home with another person or group of people.

Sometimes we change ourselves to fit a certain image. For a long time, that was me. I knew that wasn’t who I was. It felt off. I was never comfortable with them or with myself. Occasionally, there were those times where I thought we were friends because we hung out. They invited me to go see The Lion King on stage with them! They must like me enough to willingly spend time with the sheltered ginger chick. But I think they were fooled too. I don’t know that they ever enjoyed my company either but I always tagged along in school so what could they do?

Sometimes we lie to ourselves to get through a situation as comfortably as possible.

Other times, some things feel right – or at least better. So we stick a label to our foreheads and say, “this is who I am” because in this identity, I feel more comfortable. And we do that because we know there are other people out there who feel the same way.

But that’s not who we are. That’s what we’re most comfortable with.

Comfort is a lie.

Most of us live in a society that says, “if you are comfortable doing this, do it” or “if you feel happy doing this, do it”. Ethics, morals, and logic fall by the wayside because they are irrelevant when we focus on feelings and comfort.

We are not here to find comfort and happiness. We are not here to “discover ourselves”.

We are here to make this world a better place by using our individual talents and abilities. “Discovering yourself” sounds like it’s the ultimate goal. It’s not. It’s a step to becoming a better person, but not the end goal. All our lives, I think, we will spend trying to discover our voices and use them to do the right thing.

In order to discover who we are, we need to place our identities in something that doesn’t change. Consistency is key. All the confusion comes when we identify and associate ourselves with something that doesn’t satisfy, doesn’t stay unchanging.

Comfort is dangerous. It prevents us from seeing where we need to grow, where we have become stagnant. We ignore the needs of others because we aren’t suffering. But when we do, we wonder where the help is.

Don’t seek comfort. Seek a better way of life. A better you.

Love,

Rana || xoxo

Advertisements

• chin up •

Last night, I was told that I was ranked within the top 20 students at my school; my immediate response was, “why am I not in the top 10? Do they not do top 10? Is top 20 the best?” I thought back to that time I finished psychology with a B+ and that time I finished the first semester of Spanish II with a B+. Everything else has been an A since I started high school and dual enrolling.

I wondered why I didn’t do better. Why didn’t they rank me higher?

Back in March, I submitted an application for a study abroad opportunity in Korea. I reviewed my CV and motivation letter so many times. What could I do better? If I were reviewing a bunch of applications, would I choose mine?

Today, I found out I didn’t get in. Turns out I wasn’t just competing against the kids in my local college, but against kids all over the world. If I’d known that, I wouldn’t have set my hopes up so high (and thus I am reminded why I prefer the pessimistic worldview).

This semester, I took on six college classes so I could graduate with my high school diploma as well as associates degree. I have 90% in three or four classes, one other 90-, and an A+. And, for some reason, thought it would be a good idea to start working too. I’ve always been a hard worker, so I thought I could handle this. Apparently not because I’m not all A’s or A+’s, it’s hard to find time to shower + exercise, and gotten difficult to fall asleep (and stay asleep).

But here’s the thing:

My worth is not based on a grade, acceptance statistic, or the approval of others.

what

my life is a lie

I’ve always wanted to be the best, the strongest (not necessarily physically; I’ve given up on that), the humblest, the smartest, the prettiest, the favorite, the hardest worker, the x, y, and z.

At the same time, I realize that I will never be any of these things. I will never be the best at anything. I will never be the strongest, the humblest, the smartest, the favorite, or the hardest worker. And I have to be okay with that.

We have to set reasonable standards for ourselves and, if we find that they are unattainable, we need to lower them a bit until we are at the point where we can do better – and then we raise it again.

We’re human. We fail. We learn. We do better. It’s all we can do.

So keep your chin up.

You’ll fail.

You’ll be crushed.

But something better will come along and the temporary defeats will make sense.

Take it one day at a time. It will all work out.

God having provided some better thing for us, that they without us should not be made perfect.

• Hebrews 11:40 •

If you were looking for some encouragement today, that’s hopefully it. xoxo

Love,

Rana || xoxo