I’ve always (always) had a tough time making decisions. Whether it’s “what’s your favorite color”, “what do you want for breakfast”, or “what will you study in college”, I could rarely give you an answer on the spot.
Even now, I could not tell you definitively what my favorite color is. Breakfast is waffles because my brother’s home from college + that’s kind of what we decided on last night.
It has always been frustrating. Not only for me, but also for my family and anyone asking questions. For so long, it’s just been an annoyance and eternal source of aggravation. I see so many people around me who are either (a) set on what they want to do or (b) don’t know what they want to do, but aren’t under any pressure to find out.
Now, I realize that no one is entirely open about their struggles and there are a lot of people in my shoes, but I haven’t found them yet.
The more I think about this though, the more I realize that this doesn’t have to be a setback. It means that I am meant to do more than work, study, pay bills, and die. We all are. I think that everyone must be born with this sense of instability and fear of commitment because we crave more than the average. Many simply settle for a life and that becomes average but…
• mediocre scares me •
I have this crazy drive to be the best. Whatever I do, if I’m not succeeding, I feel as if I am doing something wrong. This probably isn’t all good or healthy and it’s probably going to teach me a painful lesson sooner or later, but it drives me to work hard and study hard.
This drive for success in whatever area I am working on, I believe, will open many more doors for me. I want to travel, try new foods, learn from every experience, and live unordinarily. Living like everyone else scares me.
But here’s the thing: whatever happens is what’s meant to happen and I am at peace with that (for the most part). I just keep my head down, do my best, work hard, and I know that it will all work out.
This nomadic heart is not a setback, but a calling to something more than the norm. There is nothing wrong with an inconsistent life as long as the principles and morals stay firm. There is nothing wrong with leading a different life or thinking outside the box.
Dare to be greater + don’t let fear hold you back. Take the time to remind yourself that you don’t have to do what everyone else is doing.
“Dear young people, do not be afraid of making decisive choices in life. Have faith; the Lord will not abandon you!”
• Pope Francis •
Rana || xoxo
Waffles with chocolate sauce + caramel sauce is daebak.