• mixtape : study edition •

Because I should be doing school.

Best excuse ever, amirite?

And because I get super distracted if I’m listening to lyrics I want to sing along to, but can’t stand soundtracks, foreign music is ideal. And not just any foreign music; foreign music that makes you excited to be alive; foreign music that makes your soul sing because you can’t; foreign music that doesn’t put you to sleep or make you go, “ugh, foreign noise”.

I know, I know. You’re just dying to learn what kind of foreign music I fill my ears with. You have no clue. Fine; I won’t make you wait.

• korean pop + japanese rock •

Hit you like a truck, didn’t it?

You never expected that from me.

Nah.

Well, I’m just full of surprises.

Now you want to hear it, right? Of course you do.

• BTS •

The Bangtan Boys encourage me when I feel like throwing a text book out the window + screaming, “I’M DOPE. I DON’T NEED TO BE EDJUMICATED.” The only pain I feel as I listen to this comes from the fact that Jungkook (one in the officer getup) is my age. And can dance. And can sing. And doesn’t have to do school. I don’t know if he does or not, but it seems like he has the option not to?

Dope

Do yourself a favor + turn on the captions.

I Need U

If only I could do more than the chicken dance…

• BIGBANG •

Fantastic Baby

Fantastic Baby whispers that I can do the thing. Well, it probably doesn’t. But I think being told, “wow, fantastic baby” a few times isn’t a bad thing.

• FTISLAND •

Pray

They are praying for me. I can do this.

Time To

And it’s time to fight, fight, fight. Time to do it right. Even though I’m down + afraid to go.

• SHINee •

Spoiler

The most amazing entrance + dance, yo.

• VIXX •

Chained Up

Because I can’t get away from all this school work.

Memory

I need memories of times when I had time to write, draw, smile, laugh…

Love Equation

Because math has taught me that I can’t do anything without calculations + watching grown men shove ice cream in another person’s face is kind of funny.

• GOT7 •

Just Right

Because I don’t need a 5.0 GPA to validate my worth.

Okay, kids, that’s what I’ve got. If you want more recommendations, please feel free to ask me. I really love chatting with you + enjoy the Korean culture very much.

Love always,

Rana || xoxo

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• shh •

Howdy!

Forgive my radio silence! School has been kicking my butt and I haven’t really known what to post about which is what I wanted to talk about today.

• an open letter to my friends •

This has been a long time in coming partially because I did not know if I was ready to be this open. I’m also concerned that this will come off as me being a drama queen or something. I deny a lot of things because other people have it worse, but I think it’s important to realize that, just because someone has it worse, doesn’t mean that what hurts me means any less.

But let’s get to it.

I’m a very private person. I will tell you what’s up, but not what’s in my head. I will be very open with you, but not tell you a thing. And I don’t know if you notice that, but it hurts me and I’m sorry for not letting you in.

The thing is, I don’t know how.

I don’t know what to talk about. I don’t know how to have an easy conversation. I don’t know how to talk without thinking, “will I regret saying this?” so I don’t say much. I don’t know how to talk about the things I love without the fear of boring you. I can’t talk about what I love without choking up because only I understand it and even the wrong look from someone when I speak will silence me.

My family is constantly on me to stop mumbling + speak up. I wonder if this is because the words I don’t say ought to be louder and the things I do say mean nothing to me. I’ve grown quiet about the things I love. I’ve forgotten how to be open. I’ve forgotten how to accept other people. I’ve forgotten to put the things that matter to me first; instead, I listen to the people that say “school is the most important thing in your life right now”, “focus on school”, “the grades you get now are what will help you most in college”, “get that scholarship”, “study something that makes you money”, “you should be studying instead of writing”.

I’ve noticed that I don’t look people in the eye so much anymore either. Why? Maybe it’s because they will notice all the thoughts I don’t say. Who knows?

And, to my friends, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to make you feel like you’re not… accepted around me. I don’t mean to make you feel like the things that matter to you don’t matter to me. Okay, so they might not matter to me, but you matter to me. And that’s what matters most.

I’m sorry for holding you at arm’s length. And to those I want to be friends with, but won’t speak to, I’m sorry for not having the courage to reach out.

I genuinely love you all and, while I might limit what I say + do, I do not limit my love for you.

Eternal love,

Rana || xoxo