Do you ever feel like you need more?
I don’t mean the next big thing. I mean… like you need to do something other than the norm. You need to try something new, go for a run, hop on a plane to Australia (yes, I’m watching LOST), eat some new food, create… something.
But I’m in a creative rut.
I’m stuck in a current novel — well, three actually. Two of which I haven’t touched in months. I don’t feel much like editing The Reset either.
And my sketch book is upstairs so I’m not very inclined to move or find something to draw.
I just feel kind of exhausted. Emotionally, physically, and creatively.
Writer’s block, artist’s block, flipping life’s block…
Right now, I feel the need to relax while, at the same time, the need to explore and do more.
I’m not satisfied with just going with the flow. I want to be more than the average. I’m terrified of being mediocre, I suppose. But the hardest part is not really knowing what I want to do with my life, career wise.
Everyone puts so much importance on that aspect of life.
For a long time, I wanted to be an actress. Then, for a long time, I wanted to be a therapist. Now, being a personal/private chef sounds pretty nice…
But, the thing is, I don’t want to go into something I’ll get bored of, or get a degree I can’t use, or not be able to pay off debts, or be stuck in school forever and not get the job I want, or not earn enough money to live…
Life is kind of overwhelming and I feel as if time is running out. I need to have a decision and scholarships by the end of my senior year or I’ll be a failure. I know that’s not true.
I see pretty much everyone I know who’s around my age being able to stay home (or at least having that option) and just sort of figure things out in their own time.
But I’m different.
So it’s kind of lonely when you’re the only one struggling with certain things and the people you hang out with wouldn’t understand. They might get it in a distant, looking-in-from-the-outside way, but they can’t experience it and that’s not a bad thing.
Essentially, I suppose I’m exhausted and feel pressured to live a certain way, so I’m in a creative rut which means life is kind of blah and that I’d appreciate prayers. 😛
Hopefully all is well with you. ❤