Then Vs. Now


Disclaimer: This is a tangent on my musings. Feel free to disregard.

Growing up stinks.

Metaphorically, of course.

Though, if you grew up without bathing, then it could stink quite literally.

But the topic of my food for thought for the day is: growing up. Obviously. Not like I started off with bashing the inevitable thing.

When I was younger, I always day dreamed. I’d doodle in my math pages (homeschoolers rock), spend all the time in the car imagining myself as the main character of whatever book I was reading, develop story ideas that would never be written down. For as long as I can remember, I was a dreamer. I’ve always been the one to ask the impossible questions, think the random stuff.

I mean, when I was 8, I remember wondering if outer space ended somewhere. Like, did it ever end? Or was it an infinite space of stars, galaxies, supernovae, planets…? If I could go forever in a space ship, would I hit a wall? If so, what was beyond that wall?

I’d keep myself up at night with these questions.

As I grew older, my fantasies matured a bit. When I was 13, I knew I wanted to get married, have a family, live happy, glorify God, die. The end. Then 15ish hit and all of that died.

This world isn’t for good people. It’s so full of trash. We were never meant to live here, suffer everything we do.

But now we’re bogged down with all the grime of every day living and life is just something we need to survive until death do us part. That’s not how it’s supposed to be. That’s far from how it’s supposed to be.

I don’t day dream anymore. I can’t imagine myself in a book like I used to. And I’m not an open person, so my family still thinks that’s how I process life. They think I live in a fantasy world.

But I don’t.

And I can’t open up enough to tell them that. C’est la vie.

Una and I have been emailing a lot today. And I love the girl to death. We’re kind of at the same point in life now. No fantasies. Can’t even pretend anymore. Let’s just be realistic and cut the crap. I can’t see any bright future in this dark world. God is good. He’s got this all under control and we need to trust that.

But because we’re fallen, bad things happen to good people. (If you’re confused as to how this could happen if there’s a loving God, let me know in the comments and I’ll explain 😉 ). And there’s something scary about that. I mean, look around. How could anything good happen to you in a world like this? That’s the devil talking. People listen to him and that’s why this world is so messed up. We have to be different, we have to not be afraid to live our lives because, no matter what, people will be watching and we’ve got to make sure we’re showing them something better than what they’d get from the media.

Una said something that summarizes my point: “I don’t daydream. I think.”

Thinking replaces day dreaming when you get older. At least that’s the case for us. The older you get, the more you realize material things don’t make up for the yearnings of the heart. They don’t satisfy our craving for true joy.

Now, I’ve always been the kind of person who would be happy if you gave me a lollipop. And I still am. It doesn’t take much to make me happy. So I’d be perfectly content to suck the lollipop ’till I got so absorbed in a daydream that I choked. Now, I’m much more down to earth even if my musings are a lot deeper than the average teenage girls’.

Not that I have much experience with the normal kind. I’m pretty sure they just fangirl over Justin Bieber or Taylor Swift. I go for philosophy, deep questions, debates — the deeper stuff.

I’m not huge on romance anymore. I used to be. Now, I need a little bit in a movie or book (it doesn’t seem complete without somehow) but if you overdo it, it’s just like, “this crap isn’t realistic. I’m done.”

But you know what? It’s going to be okay.

I have no doubt about it.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Deuteronomy 31:6

Anyway, there’s my little stream of a thought run into an ocean.

So how about you? Do you feel the same way? Have you changed as you’ve gotten older?

God bless!

Rana

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3 thoughts on “Then Vs. Now

  1. I love you too, Rana. *hugs* Great post…it sort of takes what we were discussing and actually makes it into a coherent whole. XD

    Like

  2. I used to wonder that too if outer space had an end. I still dream, but I don’t fantasize. Reality hit me hard and all the fairy dust turned to well dust. The perfect song that describes this is ‘Brick by Boring Brick’ by Paramore. It talks about burying the castle. I feel like that’s what I’ve been doing slowly one shovelful at a time. I don’t want to admit it, but I’m growing up. Beautiful post, Rana.

    Like

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